Friday, January 23, 2009

collection 1

you threw away something perfect, now watch me do the same- i'll show you just what a vindictive asshole i can be. someday this will all be funny. i think all this is driving me insane. and the funny thing about my mom making me go talk to this doctor is i find myself lying to him so he doesn't think i'm too wierd. on top of that everytime he suggests that something might be a problem in my life, i make it one i magnify it- just so he doesn't feel dumb. i want to grab him and say don't waste my time just give me pills that make me feel not so alone. i'm sorry. my wrists are sore from being thought about too much. and maybe i'm not so trustworthy.
losing someone you truly love is the worst pain you will ever feelpeople want the world to make sense. there must be some rhyme or reason to define this chaos. there has to be a reason that a man would play god and beat his child. the child only confesses more to him, because god cant be wrong. this is how cycles are created. this is how religion is made. this is how american gods live. there are rules. or so they say. why is this a great moral experiment? why would some greater being carry about the world of such lesser beings? do we care what happens in that ant hill, these ants running aorund for their lives. their pathetic lives. does that mean anything to us? there isnt a thing worse than being nothing. our hapiness is relative to the happiness of others. we look at demigods of movies and rock n roll and if life isnt good enough for them, then it cant possibly be good enough for us. i dont have a blonde bombshell wife. i dont have three sports cars. i dont have 10,000 dollars to spend on an outfit that will be worn once. we want that fucking gun to our head. we do anything just for a taste. but there are rules. i wont wear seatblets. i pray for a crash. when they announce on the flight that all electronic devices need to be turned off becasue they interfere with the pilots radio- thats when i write an all too important letter on the laptop and make a call at the same time. nothing fucking happens. eat and swin at the same time. nothing. i pray for a break in the monotony but nothing ever happens. walk through traffic. take more than the recommended dose. its bullshit. a fucking distraction. i want to meet hte love of my life in and alcoholics anonymous meeting. i am nothing. i just want to do a hit n run and return to the scene of the crime. i want to hold up a bank and give all the money back. i want to feel somthing. we are fucking ants running throuhg a hill.a mans most dangerous moment is when he pulls the gun from his own throat and points it at the world.
Dec 14 2006 02:26:00Posted by peterdear you,sometimes we get caught up in riding the moment, good or bad. mental health or our bodies. usually its never as bad as it seems in our own heads or in those seconds when it seems like noone else can empathize. but the truth is, as reluctant as we are to admit it- there are strains inside of us that make us exactly the same. together and alone all at once. crashing thoughts like chemistry. playing these club shows has been like heaven for me- its the closest i can get to being that little band again- and i love every minute of it. its exciting and crushing- pins and needles everywhere in anticipation. seeing the same old faces on the barricades but with new smiles. i have high hopes that you will come with us on this record if only because i feel like i/we owe it to you. i listen to the songs over and over again and hope that they hit you in that same spot but in a brand new video: my back will be okay,so will my hair (haha as okay as it ever was), i am in love with my band more than anything else on the planet. i hope you like the video.i feel like a hack giving advice to you on the q & a when the truth is, i dont really have a clue to get through life on my own.i havent been able to sleep since we left on tour this week- my question to you- what do you do to fall asleep?thanks for always being there. even when you probably puts me at ease knowing that someone else doesnt get it as much as i dont get it.Xo
August 2nd
Remember when we were carefree not careless?
August 26th pt5
Please vote over at the vmas. I’m looking Patricks puppydog eyes. He wants it as much as you want him.
August 26th pr4
Off all the jeanae joints in all the world (countdown to bubba)
August 26th pt3
All you sensitive thugs need hugs.
August 26th pt2
“If I go to sleep I die. You’re gonna have to keep me up all night”
August 26th
One thumb and three fingers in.
August 25th pt4
You hate me cause I don’t care. I hate myself because I do.
August 25th pt3
I have a light bulb for you and only you
August 25th pt2
(The kids are all fucked up)…. its getting light out, I know you don’t want to sleep here alone. Take it easy.
August 25th
my heart is set to misanthropy.
August 22nd
if your not being born than youre dying.
August 21st
She is beachfront property and fastcars
August 1st
Trying to give up on myself, one heartbeat at a time
August 18th pt3
I am only writing this cause I know you read it: can we start again, go back to what it meant then?
August 18th pt2
alittle life, alot of death
August 18th
the things we find out
August 17th
I’m only writing this cause I know you read this: I am a bird, a boomerang and bad news rolled into one. Love, Nebraska
August 15th pt3
I was human and noone knew
August 15th pt2
Light will guide you home.
August 15th
Its too late to go, its getting light out. You know you don’t wanna sleep alone tonight. Take it easy.
September 9th
Fashion victim
September 3rd
You are my stranger. I don’t care what they say.
September 5th
This city doesn’t have shit on you. I can’t wait to get back on tour.
September 9th
Fashion is weird.
September 3rd
This smile is real today
September 24th
I’m a good boyfriend, I got his windows tinted while he’s away.
September 17th
Ryan ross is in town. Yes. Sleepover princes.
October 9th
Fuck. Why am I still up always
October 7th
Full moon.
October 2nd
The only thing I ever dreamt of was people dancing and singing along….its possibly the best surprise I have ever imagined. Nothing I or we have done deserves this. its strange to think I just want to get back on the road and see this family again.
October 23rd
Its aint me babe no no no it aint me babe
October 22nd pt2
I had a dream last night that we were underwater and we could breathe. Our love was awesome.
October 22nd
Brazil. I love soccer. I miss you
October 20th
I don’t know how to speak Spanish. Yet somehow every teleprompter reads Spanish anyway. Save me
October 12th
Out drinking beer and smoking with dave navarro of sitting wiht my dog watching project runway. You know. Sarcasm doesn’t read well on the interweb.
July 31st
Everythingiswrongintheworld. Truly.
August 9th
This is (not) real(ly happening)
August 8th
August 31st
“Tonight I am the drug you can’t deny…. My love is electric.”
August 2nd pt2
I have all the things I’ve always wanted and now I don’t. you can have the all just like I said.
April 20th
William beckett kissed me on the mouth
April 30th
Second best new artist. Second biggest rock band. Second biggest asshole on the internet.
July 5th
I’m boring I just overcompensate
July 5th pt2
For the first time, in a long time
July 2nd pt2
The wages of sin is death….
July 2nd
Currently living in a mansion made out of pure diamonds built right next to the hollywood sign. Dating _____ (fill in the blank). Leave a message, I’m at the coke dealers house right now.
July 2nd pt2
Glad you are having a grand ol time without me
July 27th pt2
Given all the gods are crazy, given all the stars are gone. Imissyou. Happybirthdaymom.
July 27th
Sometimes I just need to hear “go on your own way, ill be with you. Make mistakes and I’ll forgive you… ill always be here waiting….”July 21st
Puppy teeth.
July 20th
They aren’t action figures, they’re dolls. Seriously.
July 1st
Sometimes I change for a second and then right back in the blackness of the nighttime world. I hate skylines at night alone.
July 18th
The only person who gets me is not person. He’s a puppy.
July 12th
Daydreams. nightlife. New gym class record is seriously the perfect summertime record.
July 10th pt2
Daydreams. nightlife.
July 10th pt1
I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell. I’m having a bad week. I miss my mom.
July 10th
bbq at the wentz household.
June 6th
Thank you for all the birthday messages. I truly deserve none of you. Thank you for your love.
June 12th
Patrick is my homeboy. Not a shirt. Like for realz son.
June 11th
“Where are you from”“Nowhere really”
June 27th
She just sent me a text that said go brooke yourself.
June 26th
Ill be true. Ill be useful. Ill be cavalier. Ill be yours my dear.
June 26th pt2
Don’t wait for me. I’m lost in the dark.
June 24th
I could take the place of those black nights and black lungs
June 21st
Were in the lead, lets pop a wheelie
June 19th pt2
Figure me out (of my mind) = I’m like a lawyer with the way I’m always trying to get you off.
June 19th
I love the world cup. Coming home..
June 18th
I got the ugliest blazer ever from some thrift store in Toronto for two dollars. Get ready red carpet. Top gun is one. Quit reading away messages and learn about sexy dudes in the sky.
June 14th
Lets get fucked up and die
June 13th
New songs are like Christmas
July 9th
Things have become stranger than anyone could ever know. I miss you.
July 8th
How I feel is fading. Stop
July 6th
Night swimming. His and hers. Kill for a view. I miss you and the little guy.
July 5th pt 3
Her hair smelled like an orange grove we drove past when I was 8.
July 5th pt2
May 4th
Watching the ice princess with joe troh. I seriously love the boys in my band more than anything. Them > anyone else ever. Even if this all goes away and no one cares. Three people on the planet understand me.
May 30th pt2
“Daisey, daisey give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all from this love for you.” I hate how its light here until 930 and get light at 3.
May 30th
“Daisey, daisey give me your answer do. I’m half crazy all from this love for you.” Yellowflowers.
May 2nd
I realize the only people I love are either dead or can be found on spines in book shelves. Currently reading: the every boy. Its better than sex or whatever you are doing.
May 28th pt2
They don’t let me wear my hood up anywhere in London. And I cant read a sign to save my life: spell it out for me.
May 28th
United kingdom 5 am. Not even close to sleep. New jayz mixed tape: my arsenal is more awesome than yours.
I want a boy who’s too drunk to talk
May 25th pt 3
Highschool never ends.
May 25th pt2
Away message edit: I thought highschool didn’t last forever. But truth is Highschool never ends.
May 25th
Go get the new less than jake record if you get a chance.
May 24th
Baby don’t worry cause now I’ve got your back. And every time you feel like crying I’m gonna try and make you laugh. And if I cant, if it hurts too bad. Then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company through those days so long and black.
May 23rd
I’m unbothered by their taste when chewed rather than swallowed as I know the relief they will bring.
May 23rd pt2
Dear mr. Chemistry, please level off my head. I miss you.
May 16th
Currently searching for a new love. Someone send me a compass and a flashlight.
June 9th
Today is the first day of my new life with out you.
June 9th
I wish I was a better writer. Currently on page ____.
Tuesdaymy self-sabotage complex has a persecution complex. it feels like it is getting too much unnecessary attention. it's my birthday- celebrate every fucking failure, relive every wasted moment. i was gonna cut my wrists and tie a bow around them- that would really be the best present. the card would say "don't open until you're all alone". it's a good thing i'm a coward or you would be celebrating my birthday in the coroner's office. my complexes have complexes. that makes me laugh. a real kodak moment. when you realize all of your best days are behind you. i bet joan of arc had the worst persecution complex ever. and i miss you. posted by xo @ 6/04/2002 10:37:00 PM
05:01: black is white without the sympathy.05:02: little boys dont know the names of their fathers until they bury them.05:03: the fallapart hearts dont matter so much in the dark.05:04: 'onwards and upwards'. bigger and better things are hollow.05:05: like empty skies but bigger.05:06: dont think were not breakign into the same pieces again.05:07: its the only way we know how.05:08: lying outloud is easier than telling the truth like this.05:09: 20 different price tags and barcodes- you still knew my name.05:10: none of the bullshit matters when theres someone to pick me out of the lineup.05:11: eat the stars baby.05:12: because im bringing them to you on a platter.05:13: just waiting for you to wake up and eat them out of my hands.

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