puppy love vs. teaching old dogs new tricks
Saturday, April 28, 2007
"i know you may roll your eyes at this, but im just so glad that you exist"i dont care what list i end up on.the truth is, i just dont like myself too much.i thank god for the people who love me anyway and can see around that.you inspire me to be a better person.and to let myself feel happy.i hope i bring the same to you.all sappiness aside. go download the video for the kanye "throw some d's" remix on youtube. you will not be disappointed.posted by xo @ 4:49 PM
Monday, April 23, 2007
'i plugged it into the socket and the house exploded"
yesterday in the hotel i was supposed to stay at a woman and a man took guns out and threatened to kill a bunch of guests. then the police showed up and they wouldnt put the guns down, so the police shot and killed them. in their room they found a bunch of extra guns and ammunition. i have goosebumps.in response to this and the virginia tech shootings. i dont know what to say. i dont understand why our society influences people to do the things that they do. i am just happy that my friends are safe and that we are still ok.true love.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/i-plugged-it-into-socket-and-house.html" \o "permanent link" 8:27 PM
Sunday, April 22, 2007
"all that hate is gonna burn you up." he said "it keeps me warm at night".
my mind is a safe.if i keep it in, well be able to blow dust off our secrets before we die.my body is an orphanagewe take everyone in.doing lines of dust and sweat off last nights stage-just to feel like you.if home is where the heart is then were all just fucked.i want it so bad id shoot sunshine into my veins.cant remember the good old days. just cant forget the "old" ones.its kind of funny the way were all wearing anchors on our shirtswhen being anchored or paused just feels like a curse...i want the weightlessness of love with the carelessness of a fucklike the way magicians spin the bird into the bars on the back of a pagelocking the bird away, except my ribs are the cagedont know much about classic cars or classic rock-but i got a lot of friends who are stuck on classic coke. i must confess i am in love with my sins.when they said we had chemistry im pretty sure this aint what they meant (me plus you plus tears plus a sedative or two).cue the water works.saline.the plant is pumping overtime to get the toxins out.not sure which is working faster, your mouth or your tear ducts.in other news....
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/all-that-hate-is-gonna-burn-you-up-he.html" \o "permanent link" 9:13 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=3026386953229981844" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
"all of a sudden, i miss everyone"
god been thinking. its been awhile since ive done that.except for "here and there"ssick of all the speculation.this means that, that means this.this is really the only place i can speak to anyone without people in glass towers watching me.commenting.so thank you for that.id do anything to keep this going forever.even in my head when i wanted to be blown off this fucking planet i still hoped that little blue record kept spinning in your room.the reason you havent seen a video of fall out boy on fuse is because of corporate litigation.the same reasons for half of what makes this all feel like its falling apart.we only did cribs because we thought it was funny. hopefully you are in on the joke. we rented fake cars, like ferraris and just goofed around the whole time.didnt even know how to open the doors.not sure if our sense of humor is gonna come across or whether it will be mtvified.my best friend is a dog.sometimes i miss being down all the time like it was a close friend that moved away.but sometimes the inside of my head and my heart and my stomach all meet up into this wretched combination.i just want to let myself be happy.id give anything to not give up on this.take care. sleep safe. i will write more when it comes to me.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/all-of-sudden-i-miss-everyone.html" \o "permanent link" 10:01 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2251817073312467974" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
the morning after, party.
pirouette next to a baby grand, send all my troubles in reverse. notes on being authentic: the fuck me red lipstick she wears comes off on her teeth- but she rubs her feet on mine to fall asleep, im not sure anyone knows this.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/morning-after-party.html" \o "permanent link" 2:37 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=7564840990067389874" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, April 15, 2007
i dont think that anyone feels the way i do about you now.
me and you are the cubs, you know. next year is always our year.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/i-dont-think-that-anyone-feels-way-i-do.html" \o "permanent link" 11:51 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=5719976792406591849" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, April 13, 2007
us vs. the house - i kind of love the odds.
its almost a new shade under those lashes.i am perplexingly optimistic.its almost got me losing my head.dodging flights.words are like teeth.only three places they can go...flashed in smiles, rotted out, or spit out in fistfights.not too sure how these end up.we are becoming who we are meant to be.we are becoming who we were.time passes like bottles between them.letting my self just float.just feel ok.being happy doesnt mean you are unauthentic.breathing life is alright.in doses you know.i love las vegas in 24 hour increments.saw the new gch video get filmed, heard a couple of new panic songs.i am equally blown away by both for different reasons.noone gets how my head feels when i lie sideways on pillows.but noone gets anyone. so who cares?i really just want to get back on the road and adventure.listening to life on mars by bowie.just snoozing with the dog...why doesnt someone make ice cubes made out of coffee so when your drink melts it doesnt get watery?a high five owed to whoever can remember the bad guy from the capncrunch cereal commercials (i think he had his own cereal for awhile), double high five if you can name his gang. and anyone that remembers the other bad guy- i dont even know what id owe you.the inside of my head is out breath from all of this jumping here and there.sometimes love is the only thing we can call our own."ive been shooting up your perfume..."
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/us-vs-house-i-kind-of-love-odds.html" \o "permanent link" 6:21 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=8000515372868868680" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, April 06, 2007
take a vote, the eyes have it. but the knives have our back.
"An ending fitting for the startyou twist and tore our love apartyour light fingers through the darkshattered the lamp- into darkness it cast us...""No you've got it the wrong way round-just shut me up and blamed it on the brown"cornered the boy kicked out at the world, the world kicked backalot fuckin' harder...If you wanna try, If you wanna trythere's no worse you could do (oh oh oh)I know you lie (I know you lie)I'm still in love with you (oh oh oh)Have we enough to keep it together?or do we just keep on pretending (and hope our luck is never ending)...you cant stand me now, you cant stand me...."
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/04/take-vote-eyes-have-it-but-knives-have.html" \o "permanent link" 7:00 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2301721243312636575" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, March 30, 2007
"...have a bandit day...."
i want to give you an "a-okay" sign in the mornings when i wake up.except that i am always midair when you stir.on a plane/feeling plain.fell out of bed.fell out of love.even monet did sketches.close quarters.head overflowing.ideas keep me up all night. i miss who i was too?except for the whole wanting to be dead thing...oh i guess and the cheating and the lies.but the rest i was ok with.some of the time.consciences are always heavier than egos. i mean trust me i know.doubled standards are tripled and quadrupled.everything inflates with time.on keyboards i put it all into reverse.suddenly it all makes sense.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/have-bandit-day.html" \o "permanent link" 7:13 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=7598542942475512933" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, March 22, 2007
the people under the stares
me versus myself.i know that at some point the right words are gonna come to me.that they are just going to spill out.thats the only reason i still sit in these rented rooms in front of blank screens.i know deep down we can make ourselves bright.we can shine.went by the house that george from the beatles was deported from in germany today.it was nothing special or out of the ordinary.just like anything else that makes you pause.shift in your seat, sing along out of key- crowded rooms but all alone.my moods shape shift, they are magnets on a compass.leaving the arrow spinning if it gets too close.i hadnt been smiling or speaking up as much as i used to.i have felt ugly on the inside and no matter what anyone says or does its the only thing going in my ears.except whats the point.whats the point of making it through unscathed? the whole point of this is catharsis.the whole plan is to get better.to do the math.to figure this all out.to be ok.to be ok with being ok.if you catch me smiling a bit more its just cause some towtruck pulled me out of the ditched and my headlights are pointed the right way again.that being said. we are working on some covers to play on the honda civic tour- as well we are going to premiere our new video in the internet. the problem with making videos lately is that noone give you a budget for them. if you ask yourself why November Rain hasnt been made since, its because video budgets suck. this and only this is the reason you need outside support from companies to help pay for your video. but this alone isnt good enough for us. so we convinced one of em to not only help fund our video but to buy all of the ipod downloads for free----all in all this is the hardest weve ever worked on a video and we hope you like it.xx
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/people-under-stares.html" \o "permanent link" 7:45 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=1458582934918114728" \o "Edit Post"
bury me now, we'll figure out the rest later.
now and later.just like the candy.only with how i feel.gotta check the woodwork in my house, because everyone seems to be coming out of it lately.the lies i read make me laugh most of the time,but honestly sometimes it makes me not want to believe in this anymore.thank god for all the reasons i have to believe in the form of heartbeats and letters written and rewritten over again in shakey hands- shakey heads.thank god i have had so many reasons for smiles lately-not picture smiles.the kind you had before all the worry started.and i for one cant remember then.its in a history book somewhere im sure.dust it off.patrick and i are working up something youll never see coming.new academy rcord makes me smile.fob video is finally done. feels like wait/weight has been lifted.what do you expect from the honda civic tour? i want it to be our best ever.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/bury-me-now-well-figure-out-rest-later.html" \o "permanent link" 7:30 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2482206908312678876" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
ignite your bones.
i had the worst night of my life without exception.dont sleep through worry.dont cast off blame, pete.its all yours.im buying at whatever price.there is a hell for people who do this and i plan on being there to deliver it.i can only think in fists. they can put me in handcuffs, they can make me a headline-its all worth it to watch you spit out a tooth or two.seems like a fair trade to me.---------------------------------and the truth be told,i would use every cell in body to fix you if i could.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/ignite-your-bones.html" \o "permanent link" 2:42 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=7184105276564661657" \o "Edit Post" HYPERLINK "http://www.blogger.com" INCLUDEPICTURE "http://buttons.blogger.com/bloggerbutton1.gif" \* MERGEFORMATINET
Thursday, March 08, 2007
cant talk my way out of my head,
i bought a first edition copy of david copperfield today. its from 1849. maybe just cause i wanted to touch something old besides my skin. im sick of reading of people who know so much better. we are all in the same boat pretty much, sink or swim is a great thing and all. but it just doesnt work out in my head when i think of me and my friends. flew over the outback today- kind of, the only thing on my mind was you. i dont care what they write. got arrogance stuck in my ears for a bit, i was truly more content with the ringing. fucked. in an 'its my party and ill cry if i want to' kind of way. cheeks flush. pink lips but my veins still maintain their violet hue. i wasnt built for this. i dont have the right voice or the right looks but i have twice the heart. figure that into your soundbyte or pull quote. you cant. been in hotels so much lately i cant remember the numbers on my door ever. my shower feels like the ocean but not in a fishy kind of way. more like washing off the sand, the waves breathing. id break on the shore for you, either way. i admire the fan. those who clap, those who wait in line more than anyone else. this trip has taught me that. the fan is the one who is scrutinized, constantly defending themself. the fan is the one who is constantly expected to forgive the missteps of those on the stage. expected to be waiting long before shows begin and long after they end, just for the chance of a glimpse or a wave. always brushed off, always thought of last. you are however, truly imprinted on my mind. sometimes when i am thinking of you, i mean her, but usually i mean you.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/cant-talk-my-way-out-of-my-head.html" \o "permanent link" 1:37 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=1266515726308524786" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
i am thinking...
"i love you like sid loved nancy. i love you like morrissey loves morrissey."
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/i-am-thinking.html" \o "permanent link" 10:42 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=7078054505956122503" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, March 03, 2007
i just want to be not alone.
Got the toxicologists report back. I passed with flying colors, only cause I had the answers before hand. The toxicologists miracle baby. Babybabybabybaby. "Thats the last time I'm protecting you". If I had a dime for every time I thought that the wishing well would be full. Never explained myself to anyone not that it matters. my excuses always taste salty. Been practicing my "I don't cares" into a mirror. Not sure if I've got it yet. Can't remember my lines, you know. To bed at 10pm. wake at 4am. Pressed my face up against the glass of the shower and then peered out at the world through the smear my nose made. Out my hotel room window life looks kind of like the endor moon here. I meant everything I said that night. He asked me like a doctor. And I bloomed like a garden in the moonlight. its the time of the year where everyone is blue and alone.lets flip the page on the calander.i will come back to life for you.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/03/i-just-want-to-be-not-alone.html" \o "permanent link" 8:34 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=9107817881208293650" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
my address is whatever airport lounge. please send mail.
signs of life.i am in an airport in tokyo chewing all the gum i have left.because chewing gum is illegal in singapore.blow bubbles baby.dont you love me for more than my aliteration.god the spell check is always watching me.i am thinking of you now and again, more now though- even when i dont call.i am thinking of writing again.the songs are about you and them.sometimes, mostly.i am looking for a pair of air jordan ones like from the 80s.not to collect.but to thrash running around after you.i am looking for some meaning.stretching for some hope or faith.i only watch the movie moonwalker over and over again.cant really think on m.j. too much but he lapped everybody in the 80s.couldnt be touched.like your eyelids, that always rest closed when im running my mouth.not like i cant tell that they are rolling.sometimes its just so hard to let yourself be happy.thereisnothingbut airbetweenusanymore.im leaving on a jetplane.dont know when ill be back again.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/my-address-is-whatever-airport-lounge.html" \o "permanent link" 10:56 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2720523539213665356" \o "Edit Post"
i am happy that you realize love still exists.it is dark and needs to be dusted off.maybe i am only happy in this realization in the early a.m.s in the neon lights off tokyo.maybe i am not happy at all.im not even too sure myself at times.why would i ever want my moods to be stabilized.sometimes you have to break a heart to unbreak your own.i bleieve in falling in love midsleep.i believe in dreaming about you on airplanes.and yeah november spawned a monster, but so did whatever month were in right now.cursing leap years cos without them ill be home sooner.if i had a penny to my name id throw it down a wishing well.im best when im making things worse.lets go out tonight and make some bad decisions.i miss my friends. truly.you got my voicemail"leave a message im out..."having the time of my life.love.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/lithium.html" \o "permanent link" 8:50 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=1862817284479172951" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, February 23, 2007
dont try this at home
i have let rage, sadness, and jealousy ruin every single aspect of my life."heartshapedbox".
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/dont-try-this-at-home.html" \o "permanent link" 10:02 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=5095243483929626282" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, February 22, 2007
"if i could be sweet...."
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/sweet-escape.html" \o "permanent link" 7:15 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2505289496610927942" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
'some people will complain if their icecream is too cold...'
i am surely one of those.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/some-people-will-complain-if-their.html" \o "permanent link" 6:42 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2652306532608210794" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
even my dog has worry lines on his forehead.
"you were the only face i ever knewi was the light from the lamp on the floor-only as bright as you wanted me to be"love the concrete boy.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/even-my-dog-has-worry-lines-on-his.html" \o "permanent link" 6:47 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=2901561270166754092" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, February 19, 2007
if you get the chance to put the pieces back together tonight, ill be waiting at the edge of the bed
toast to noone. who cares. i dont care what they say about this. it is magic- not smoke and mirrors. it is real. every drop of sweat and every milemarker. remember me, or i hope you dont. i scream off my balcony at this sleeping city. my throat hurts and my hair smells like smoke. do you ever get the feeling that your insides and your outsides dont really go together?----------------------------------oh yeah im sorry for breaking your noseand my heartand that promiseand your dream----------------------------------the only thing i am sure of is- however you think of me is wrong.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/if-you-get-chance-to-put-pieces-back.html" \o "permanent link" 12:57 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=4342287270613893557" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, February 15, 2007
dylan went electric, who cares.
sometimes i make bad decisions like i am being paid to do so.the show was the best in awhile.couldnt bear to leave the stage almost.valentines alone.this isnt sad or self depricating.just kind of how it goes.no worries.it aint all its cracked up to be, except when youre smiling onthe barricade.afterpartier.new mexico on repeat.blurs.loss of love and common sense.they both always pretty much go at once.i hate to sleep alone.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/dylan-went-electric-who-cares.html" \o "permanent link" 4:00 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=1433184166935227470" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, February 12, 2007
you are the wonder that keeps the stars apart (tidbits written on napkins and found in pockets over the last year).
weakends and springbrakes: in this town the hometeam mascot is the shapeshifter. you can take your president and your wars out in the desert. i am content with my kings and queens in nevada.everyone is an open wounds. everywhere is a masquerade.lets split this life- dont think i can take a whole one on my own. the inside of my head is a time machine. and it only goes to the past. always making different choices. taking chances/not taking chances. late night blurs vs. the clarity of morning light. never too sure who is gonna show up or whos gonna call in sick- i wouldnt trust your love farther than i could throw it. there are so many people asleep in my house right now but none of them are you.dear collector,why must i be a spade or a diamond. i just want to be kept in your hand and bet on in dark rooms. i want to be a heart. i dont want to fold. my insides beat through a p.a.- i am in a dark room off a bright yellow hallway. how many times can i sing rescue me. you are plymouth rock. you are the 4 minute mile.been raising hell but now that its grown up and moved out. i dont know what to do with myself.new years. every single one is worse than the last. like a parade of dreams breaking and marching out of my life, trampling one another. she is the wonder that keeps the stars apart. i cant breathe when i step into the shower, i tasted the blood off of the walls. sat on the ledge and watched the water bounce off of the tiles until it turned cold. goosebumps on my skin ar etiny armies of hope fighting in my heart. she thinks there is nothing between us but air. that maybe we are just insects crashing on this big rock spinning through the galaxy. i am losing my nerve.not sure how much time ive wasted. one day i just stopped keeping track."you think i am the devil. but only because i have lived in hell. i want to get out".
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/you-are-wonder-that-keeps-stars-apart.html" \o "permanent link" 3:41 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=8733266637081364762" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, February 04, 2007
there is nothing between us but air
you know the funny thing about the super bowl is that vendors need to be prepared to have t-shirts should either team win after the game. so they make up thousands and thousands of shirts saying both teams won. then whichever team doesnt win they ship those shirts off as donations to third world countries. the strangest part being that you know that someone in these countries that only knows one fact about the united states: that the bears won the 2007 super bowl.a fact which is ofcourse wrong.kind of strange.i actually wanted to see you today. and tommorrow.ive slept in every bed in this town. the way it runs yellow with cars.i go to sleep on wings tonight.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/there-is-nothing-between-us-but-air.html" \o "permanent link" 11:08 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=7751612083502553518" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, February 03, 2007
S.orry's A.nd N.o's T.end to I.nfuriate
watched pans labrynth in the dark yesterday. we all create worlds for ourselves so we can forget theirs. ive been working on mine since i was 10.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/02/sorrys-and-nos-tend-to-infuriate.html" \o "permanent link" 11:08 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=117052999316319173" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
paris france. my ideas cant get through the narrow streets. louis the 14th has a bit more on the island than louis vuitton but you wouldnt be able to tell. "the songs we sing are going to send us all to hell". where do you begin and end ever. threw a book out the window today, words and all. literally. it felt ignorant but like just the right thing. its really all of a matter of who you become in the middle of the night. sometimes im always going, but mostly im always coming back. two talking over cold ones in a beer garden, growing carelessness- branching out, piss and make up. that kind of thing. in the family tree of paperback books you know with that spinelessness thing thats going on.... on the eve of possiblty the best thing ive ever dreamt of, with this band- but im lying on the cold tile floor. back in new york. will see you all soon. xx."the thing id like mos tin the world, " i say to her, since at this point i might as well go on talkingto her, "is to make clocks run backward." italo calvino - if on a winters night a traveller.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/jetlag.html" \o "permanent link" 11:41 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=117031590007361675" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, January 25, 2007
trying to slip through the cracks
dylan went electric. so did we.but in my head kind of only.nobody cared.its hard being careless, even harder to be carefree.i fight walls in hotel rooms more than i have ever slept next to someone in them.tricking yourself into thinking you matter enough for someone to remember to forget you is the best kind of magic of all.it is fast and hard.ive seen yr world. ive breathed in it and written of it.i dont care for it though.i dont read your reviews or your clippings anymore.i try not to obsess over obsession.im lonely but like a cigarette. im always being smoked. put to mouths and then put out.my mouth moves faster than my head ever could and lets not even speak of the words at my finger tips.they are never thought through.they just come and come.like light under the door.sometimes poets speak with their fists.trying to write my way out of everything.it was simple to write "wouldnt piss to put you out" and "kiss her, kiss her".its a bit harder to mean anything to myself.its a shame that the days that are glorified are the ones i just wish would fade.sleep on a curb. wake up with a smile.dream of sometime better.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/trying-to-slip-through-cracks.html" \o "permanent link" 5:47 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116977689570770540" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
ive adapted and evolved.
ive become only quite versatile and proficient and talking my way out of the worst.the only words we write and sing are tongue in cheek. they are exploring. they are laughing. they are in on the joke.the widow is not a widow but an idea in a man that i hates head.the carcrash heart is slogan wed put on a tshirt and sell in a mall. the trial is fred hampton jr. but as a metaphor.and so on.i hate unpacking. but i feel intrigued to do so after hearing you tell me how much you can and cant picture. i wont take it all apart. just to know there is something there to be taken apart.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/ive-adapted-and-evolved.html" \o "permanent link" 8:26 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116961284724903817" \o "Edit Post"
if you gave me a course i am sure i could find a way to come off of it
he says "whats the point in starting drinking at 2am"another writes "i like looking at the bullet holes, i want to live there..."i realized what i was dreading. i dont think peopleare able to connect and relate to what i am looking for on our record. not disappointed in anyways about sales- patricks voice more than anything makes up for that. more disappointed in the feeling completely alone. rubble.writing got you in, no point in writing yourself out.ill see you in the morning with a fres perspective i hope.#your accesnts almost make up for feeling homesick.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/if-you-gave-me-course-i-am_116960916534366773.html" \o "permanent link" 7:18 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116960916534366773" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, January 19, 2007
"I had a dream that I was in mexico and I woke up with pesos in my hand."
No news is good news.Seriously.Magazine articles try to steal the good times, the best days away.These writers are obsessive and manipulative.How do I know that? Because I am too.I think anyone that observes and writes is.Its very self-serving.It means you never have to really live or adventure outside of your own head.So I withdraw.Don't take it as anything more than that.I keep writing and keep talking but to you instead.North carolina reminds me of last year-Cashing a smile I saved back then, for a rainy day.Its pouring.But I've got a smirk.Be well.And ill try to also.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/i-had-dream-that-i-was-in-mexico-and-i.html" \o "permanent link" 1:09 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116919859822320463" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, January 18, 2007
the truth is even if im shining, im just old light beamed out ages ago.
i have been typecast.a square peg forever trying to squeeze into round holes.you drink to forget,i write so i never will.cursed myself down and out for all time.i am always leaving you high and dry.i am always leaving you out in the cold.because i am regular.minus all of this.dont try and argue with manics.its not worth your breath.something about this year has got me crawling back inside my shell.its ok to breakdown.its ok to get out of your mind.dont sleep or eat for days on end- im forgetful when it comes to comfort and consistency. sometimes i am just letting you shine.even with all the greens and honey in these eyes.growing up became growing old.ive learned to keep myself quiet.to be a stow away in this life.to not make waves but sometimes scream and fight over nothing so great at all.ive been paranoid that friends would kill me,i know ive thought of killing some of then.maybe only in my head."You are my sweetest downfallI loved you firstBeneath the stars came fallin' on our headsBut they're just old light, they're just old light"everyone is always acting like there shit doesnt stink.mine does even when im pretending.the sun is coming up.the truth about lonliness is yr only as good as the company you keep.everyone is forever saying 'i miss the way things were' and missing old versions of eachother.were still here. all of us.brush your finger tips on my eyelids like you did in the glory days.i promise ill make it back.you are all too sweet.and i dont deserve it.i never did.sorry for calling in sick on everyone.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/truth-is-even-if-im-shining-im-just.html" \o "permanent link" 1:57 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116911537703520311" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, January 12, 2007
only fools rush in...
There was a moment when the last good part of me died.It was not angry or rebellious.It was not mean spirited.It was not even dramatic.It kind of just coughed, sputtered and then died in its sleep.A collective effort in giving up.Cursed.If anyone ever really knew me, they'd string me up and leave me as a sign of what not to become.How not to turn out.My head in my hands with my fingers tight over my eyes pretending that none of this is happening.The volume is loud but the screen isn't on. Just so noone can hear me thinking.There isn't a goddamned thing that sparkles in my eyes anymore. There isn't magic in there.Can't even put a sentence together.My chest feels full of sulfur and ash.I can't stop shaking.Who can I call? Hurt the ones you love. Love the ones you hurt.Funny thing about how it all works out. When I saw you lying there blood spilled slipping and sliding in that bathtub I knew how I loved you. I saw you without makeup. Without your hair perfect. Without the words you bend to make me see you a certain way. I saw you alone and scared and knew I had to be careful with how I held you. Hope is a fragile thing. But it sticks in the back of your head. It pulses through your legs and can make you run up the stairs instead of taking the elevator. I knew I had to meet you in an aisle on a sunday morning. I knew I had to wake up to the biggest eyes I have ever seen for the rest of my life.And its just not real.Its shadows of life.Daydreams of love.They beg for an inch and take a mile.We all become parodies of ourselves.If you looked inside you'd see artifacts that'd proved I once gave a fuck.There is a reason my real smile doesn't show up too much anymore.There is a name for it.'Fuck your futures'.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/only-fools-rush-in.html" \o "permanent link" 1:15 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116859651231347509" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, January 11, 2007
"ive got that lefty curse, where everything i do is flipped and awkwardly reversed..."
im tired of the safety of failure.i am a glass and i am dying to be filled with anything.at least thats how i feel late at night.sometimes i just want to call anyone and apologize.i had a spark,but i blue it out.i wrote your name out,just to see if it still felt natural.original.pressed it in my favorite book-to see if it might catch some luck.oasis- wonderwall.i think i was born inside out,or just kind of skipped into it.everyday i meet someone new-who doesnt get me.its this strange social nuance.sometimes i feel like my pilot light has gone out,but i always wake up in the morning anyway."you say you disturb meand you dont deserve me.but you know sometimes you lie.you say your shakinand your always achin,but you know how hard you try.sometimes it gets so hard to care,it cant be this way everywhere.im just gonna let you pass,yes, and ill go last..."
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/ive-got-that-lefty-curse-where.html" \o "permanent link" 1:39 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116850840075068213" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
"noone cares about the man in the box"
they put us up in fancy hotels in the downtowns of every city.i think because downtowns are dead at night and i am supposed to be kept out of trouble.so me and him go on walks in between the midnight buildings.breath in the air, hands in the pockets.we walk and i talk to him and to noone.i tell him all of the ideas too stupid to tell the rest of the world.he listens or doesnt listen, i cant really tell most of the time.i am a bad talker. he is a bad walker.some how it all adds up.the ghosts of everything follow us everywhere.none of us can escape them.i have the same dream pretty much once a week:i am walking him in the dark and am mugged. i get shot and am robbed. as i lay there dying i watch him standing there with a leash with noone to hold it.the dream book says its trust issues.i am thinking more of a fascination with armed robbery,sweat and tears pretty much have the same chemical make up.we burn the weight off somehow.i dont have the heart of a fighter.i dont know how to throw a punch.i will lose 9 out of 10 fights i get into.but ill stand with my friends against anybody.win or lose.maybe we should not make it through the night.i like thinking about kissing you in the dirt and rolling across front yards.dont have much heart for exloves.thank god for the ignore button on the phone.watched the prestige again tonight.i am half a man, living half a life.i am homesick.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/noone-cares-about-man-in-box.html" \o "permanent link" 12:57 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116841946987891445" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, January 08, 2007
how ive been feeling is sunsets everywhere.he went into the snow for the first time today.it was like watching them land on the moon.everything i write is just history from my perspective-a bit off of how it really went.giving up from the heels of my shoes all the way to the beating in my chest."are you in or out?"talk some sense into meim reeling from the altitude and from not being able to get through.the truth is strange and chaotic. nothing hurts quite like it.but i am addicted to it."ive got a big big mess on my hands " (youll know what im talking about soon).happy people find happiness in the gutter.if you are unhappy it doesnt matter how many zeros are added to your bank account. you will find unhappiness.i find that its alot easier to find faith than to lose it.though there is always a singer, preacher or doctor who acts like they are the lost and found bin for faith.when i think about you i want to be subtracted down to a particle that runs through your veins.i want to run through your body.sprint.i want to make you dizzy.i want to give you headaches.i want to be a part of what you need to get by.were just like a movie based on a book-almost. but not quite as good.i feel shut out in the cold.in my head only.its dark and my eyes have not adjusted yet.brand new boy, brand new year.i want someone or something to believe in.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/decompression.html" \o "permanent link" 1:14 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116829157538625751" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
'theres a world outside of my front door that gets off on being down'
we watched scenes from an upcoming movie the other day- they wanted to see if we were inspired to write. i never thought there was any part of anything else that made sense with fall out boy. but the character of this movie is as close as it seems to come. it inspired me. we wrote and recorded one new song in new york tentatively called 'i dont think you know who i think i am'. it strange cause it sits apart from all of the other songs in so many ways in my head. its about taking this thing we are in apart. this band and these songs we sing. whether your image is an angelic patrick that could sing anything to you, to the way andy and joe dont get enough attention, to the way i am one of the most conflicted manic people i know- you love to hate, sometimes you hate to love. but at the end its trying to make sense of this. are we really trying to feel better? am i really trying to feel better? what would i have with out this? who am i? why should i be answering anyones questions or signing a piece of paper from anyone- what have i ever done to deserve that. i am not an heir. i am not special. and i dont mean this in a self depricating way at all. our band is bigger than us simply because people have believed in it. there were so many highs and so many lows from the last year. so many rumors, so much truth. my head is back in the game. we are playing this tour to re-meet people. there wont be any pyro or cool outfits on it- just us and you and the songs. anyway, hope this can be about that again. we'll be playing some new songs and some really old ones. sorry ive been out of touch, had some strange whisperings in my ear- ive been writing everything i really feel into a real journal and into the new songs and just cant wait to get on the road. anyway, thanks for sticking in there- if youre reading this and are- and if not hope i/we get the chance to prove you wrong."we only wanted to sing you to sleep through bedroom speakers- we need umbrellas on the inside, get me right"....
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/theres-world-outside-of-my-front-door.html" \o "permanent link" 3:34 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116778148061157429" \o "Edit Post"
start it off with a bang
everything we do is watched and recorded, so lets try finding some new exits and new ways to time it all at. give them something real. not the way it was going last year. i mean somehing bigger and brighter than me and you.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2007/01/start-it-off-with-bang.html" \o "permanent link" 3:55 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116773904170871585" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, December 25, 2006
he said "i brought the hoody back all them other boys dont know how to act"
when i was little i wanted to be max from where the wild things are when i grew up.kind of bonkers, cause he was just a kid too.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/he-said-i-brought-hoody-back-all-them.html" \o "permanent link" 4:44 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116709391686233846" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, December 24, 2006
they say this thing between us is getting old, but i think of it more like vintage love.
im like one of those movies you buy in a hotel with every button but rewind.have at it.your jokes.your ring tones.it doesnt matter.i cant ever get the right words to the right people.lying on the side, tears fall from your left eye into your right.filling it and spilling over. and so on.spilling out. but not pretty like in the movies.phones are always dead.white lights hanging on houses, breath in the air-everything about right now reminds me that i am all alone.and how terrible i am because of the thoughts that run through my head.like im pretty sure i could get some sleep if you were dead and gone.but not in a "drop dead" kind of way, more like you couldnt fuck with my head anymore.a snow day on giving a fuck about anything.sit here and stare at the television because thats what im supposed to do.forget to eat.sit in the roped off corner of a club because thats what im supposed to do.forget to care.and i just want to write a story or a song that makes everyone forget their troubles but im not too sure that i have it in me.hot spots become luke warm.i just want one person to know me completely before i die.i want maternity wards on stage for the delivery.spent the afternoon in an mri- its like preparation for lying in a coffin forever. it was a fear i havent experienced since i was young. the shaking and the sounds and the closeness of it all. everyone loves an underdog. every dog will have its day. top dogs. all dogs go to heaven and such....
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/they-say-this-thing-between-us-is.html" \o "permanent link" 12:52 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116695082349768141" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, December 18, 2006
diamonds into coal.
1. i am a terrible typer on a sidekick as proven in the previous post.2. i hate hotel room life.3. i hate doing interviews.4. i hate reading interview i have done.5. i am overdramatic.6. i am overly pessimistic. i only see the worst in everything.7. but i smile and nod along anyway.8. i dont believe a word anyone says to me.9. but id really like to believe in everything.10. this list is boring. i miss my dog.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/diamonds-into-coal.html" \o "permanent link" 10:33 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116651030777232425" \o "Edit Post"
I am sur ei have been loved. I have obsessed over love. the kind of love of getting in and out of trouible. I have hoped for love that is beyond you beiung caught by me or me trying to slip through the cracks. I hope for a love that is like astronomers who desribe distant planets. Even as experts it is a too far off to even properly calculate no matter how much you adore it. And I am no expert. When was the last time you felt proud of me? Ask myself when was the last time I did anything worth your pride? When was the last time I was moved, not like a piece in a board game but truly moved. When was the last time I didn't see the world in an "you always stick your neck out" or "can't catch a break" kind of way. You are the kind they cut off ears for and start wars over. You are a distant planet, noone would get from afar. You are the dream that I can't remember but can't forget. You are the trap door magicians never reveal. You're my last trick. You're my grand finale.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/lovehate.html" \o "permanent link" 1:04 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116643278288503102" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, December 16, 2006
here's to fresh starts
Today was one of the longest ever for me.I have no explanation. Except that relief can come from the last place you'd ever expect.Sometimes the people you expect to be there are no shows. Especially when you're on the tile floor heaving.I am ready to be me again.I miss my puppy. I think you dreamt me alive.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/heres-to-fresh-starts.html" \o "permanent link" 11:23 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116634037120281950" \o "Edit Post"
come on just let me make out with one of your friends and we'll call it even
caged all the free spirits.lets make them shiny so we see them glisten on the ocean bottom.well take your flaws and polish them as good as new-that is except for jealousy, theres been a recall on that one.expect version 2.0turned the corners of my eyes out as though they were my pockets, as i pass by men sleeping in boxes looking for loose change.fix me or forget me. at this point im going for whichever is easier.im guessing i look like i just got off a bender cause everyone keeps saying "you really should get some rest".like that was the problem.it feels like a surgeon who cant cut himself open to save his own life.going AWOL from ghost towns.look into mirrors-"wipe that smile off your fucking face."my dreams are all backyards in the suburbs and you.and whatever happens in between just make sure our plots are matching and next to eachother.its kind of tough being a people pleaser when you arent too fond of people in general.on steroids for the back- no, not the cool kind. though one of the side effects is dementia.living out of a suitcase changes your outlook on the world.its hard to imagine a time when any of this made sense.a flight.fizz of tonic water.clicking of hotel room keys."ive never done this before"s.you need oxygen tanks to climb the mountains i have made of these molehills.keep me away from the inside of your head.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/come-on-just-let-me-make-out-with-one.html" \o "permanent link" 7:51 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116632849786008660" \o "Edit Post"
"our love is real".
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/our-love-is-real.html" \o "permanent link" 6:25 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116632242868296494" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, December 14, 2006
be my unholy, my one and lonely. (the inside of my head, unfiltered).
computer broke. back broke. love broke.but the ship is gonna look pretty at the bottom of this sea.my memory is a steel trap.your face has been filed away- to be scrutinized later. to be despised. to be loved.to be sought.to be dreamt of.i am the inside of "i dont care".right in the middle.staring at you.i have you read before you even say your name.except when im wrongand my whole world tips on end."i loved everything about you that hurts".everything i love about you is a mess- is the reason you cant get through your days.i keep the tv on loud in hotel rooms so i dont feel alone.i wear scarves and hoods cause theyre the only poker face ive got left.in my head i smash mirrors and break palm readers' hands. i love to write of sex and bodies pressed against eachother- but i am not a closer and never will be, i cant get my mind to shut off long enough to make moves. id rather remember the smell of your hair and the way you faked like you were too drunk to drive home.id rather break you down.i dread human contact but cant stand to sleep alone- two parts of me that are constantly at war with each other.every single mirror is a trick mirror. not just the funhouse ones. we see what we want.i wish i could live a billion years just to evolve beyond love.only the science of that doesnt really add up, and besides i am addicted to it.if you cut me open i am the single most regular person that has ever existed.it scares me.it electrifies me.i have put my belief in god in a sort of holding pattern- i close my eyes hard and want to believe. just because this cant be it. but im not ready to commit. keep flying. one of these days were gonna run out of fuel.the famous < the infamous.i want to become better than i am. i want cures instead of houses. and hope instead of hype.only its all so big that i dont even know where to start.birth and death are just the bookends, no one explains how to find happiness in between.my mood changes before i finish whole sentences. hence the fragments. if anyone ever knew the whole truth im pretty sure they would lock me up and throw away the key.i dont like to talk or play certain songs because they are just an unhappy blur in my life when somewhere inside of me i was sure id be dead before anyone ever heard them.i wish jimminy cricket was my best friend.i think hed keep me on track.its no fun hating someone who hates themself so much more.youre just an amateur.you cant complain about your back and then jump off of high things.well you can but then you just look silly.my attention span, my temper, my faith and my height are all pretty much just short.if i ever really had three wishes i am sure id waste them on ruining three peoples lives.disappointing people is my thing baby, find a new gig, this town aint big enough for the two of us.i have a love/hate relationship with being forgotten.i fall asleep on the keyboard all the time, i think it is of some comfort to me.i cant wait to meet the person i will want to grow old with.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/be-my-unholy-my-one-and-lonely-inside.html" \o "permanent link" 12:29 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116608861857905639" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, December 03, 2006
a penny for your thoughts
im sensing some antidote in the way the world has been speaking to me.but im all heart with these fingers stuck in my ears-playing scenes from my childhood so loud that i cant hear whats happened to me.you cant fly these wings, you cant sleep in this box with me.somewhere theres a backroom for us to be swapping spit in. a ditch for me to be forgotten again."there are plenty of fish in the sea" quip pretty fisherman on boats in stocked lakes and fish farms.do you think about me when you see the moon in the afternoon?"shape up or ship out"im nailed and boarded up in a box addressed to somewhere else.of all gods jokes, i am the most cruel- i will make you forget your headand your rulesand your friendsand your faithwe are bricks on gas pedals.we are the ink on forged checks.i will make you mine and then forget you.my head is too crowded for the company.can we go back to how it was?before there was a world out the front door that got off on being down.stockpiled good fortune and am ready to wait out the storm.i want you in my after 12am veins.lately it all just feels like looking up through ice in a frozen pond at red cheeked families skating, carefree.to be honest, even though im nodding off in airport lounges-id rather lay my head on a curb somewhere with you than any of the rest of it.and the universe doesnt care about luck or headlines.someone whispered "make yourself" in my ear once.steal me away from all of this.make yourself.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/penny-for-your-thoughts.html" \o "permanent link" 4:28 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116519484965190884" \o "Edit Post"
yesterday i fell backwards through a window- sure it was sugarglass and light wood.still felt the nerves slip.been sleeping 3 hour nights.i love watching people sing and speak and write about the people and things that they love.it makes me feel regular again.gave up on love when i started seeing about it in gossip rags.gave up on god when i realized one day my father was gonna die.gave up on myself too many times to count- you could trade mistakes for sheepand count me away forever at night.thanks for never giving up on me.even when you truly should have.and most of our incoherrent thought is wasted on whether it will mean more to stay or to go. if we can get home before the light hits our bedroom.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/12/status.html" \o "permanent link" 2:52 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116514349325930176" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, November 25, 2006
everyone looks good in black and white pictures (only's).
she only orders drinks without mixers.two bites of 100 dollars plates at dinner,desserts are always enough pills to get you full.but when im sleeping next to her im not scared what will happen to me after i die.they only pose questions like: what makes you tick?we throw back whatever.red herrings. dummy cars. whatever changes the subject.im only in love with trainwrecks.except tonight she is four redbull vodkas into the moment-its the closest thing she can order to an 8ball at an open bar.im always only half there.coasting through questions and pictures- always half way inside the world in my head.i only know that youll never know me.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/everyone-looks-good-in-black-and-white.html" \o "permanent link" 4:15 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116450100941843141" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, November 18, 2006
we are the carriers but you will always be the rescuers.
i feel in love with the world. this is out of character for me. the always whining, overdramatic player of the worlds smallest violin. but i truly love the world we have created- us and you. it is a refuge and i think we sometimes take that for granted. but i can tell you i wouldn't have this smile across my face if it wasnt for you. working on the new video- i think some of our old fans are really gonna like some of the subtle touches it will have. i know some of whats going on is a stretch. but come with- because this is the greatest story ever. thanks for letting us be a part of this. this is my rushmore.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/we-are-carriers-but-you-will-always-be.html" \o "permanent link" 3:55 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116385112360612021" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
he said "that song is my life", it may have been my best moment. so young.
this is only the greatest story ever told"i have lightning in my head"to be brought to the world.the 101 is an iv in my veins,blood rush up your driveway.noones ever gonna get us, noones ever gonna get us-everything inside me is only meant to break your hearts.november spawned a monster.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/he-said-that-song-is-my-life-it-may.html" \o "permanent link" 3:28 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116350461071383811" \o "Edit Post"
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
id love to decode this all. but i fear it woud only be another misstep in a series. so am gonna take a leap and hold my breath.
boots high, keep our roots from every finding us.dear to our hearts are the yellows of the moon. it you waving a flag at me: its not quite white and its not quite surrender.but its got me curious.from under the floorboards i listen to hear if you got what it takes.i want to wake the entire hallway.sometimes cheek kiss goodbyes catch the corners of lips- and its just the secret of those two forever.going home tommorrow, which is today if i get to sleep.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/id-love-to-decode-this-all-but-i-fear.html" \o "permanent link" 8:04 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116291572029784888" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, November 06, 2006
forgive me for all the times i messed with your pretty head
actually dont.it doesnt really matter either way.it all turns out the same.alphamale. omegalove.every dog has its day and all.but i think we slept through ours.....theres no sucess quite like failure. trust me. i can be a character witness.dodging bars that noone can find and noone can get into. it becomes a parody of itself.i love borat for bringing the mustache back before mike cardin could.but the prestige makes me want to quit the band and move to the 1800's.id bring back walkmen with sweet yellow headphones and be like the king of the world.dont burn me out on borat by trying to do the accent: here's a hint- you dont do it very well.back to diary-ing....i mean, really, how many times do you need to check your voicemails to realize noone is calling.put me down or fix me- but more like a cat or dog...had a dream where i picked orange leaves from blonde hair in moonlight.and im left forever edning signals back to you in black night.gotta run these words are terribe at best, ill be b ack to clean up this mess. i need to go to sleep not to read more,.,. or maybe not.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/forgive-me-for-all-times-i-messed-with_06.html" \o "permanent link" 2:07 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116280865203983887" \o "Edit Post"
Saturday, November 04, 2006
high heals (mr. E and ms. fortune)
cue the dream sequence.get the feeling of feeling.you make me feel pins and needles like a leg that has been asleep.we have signs on our backs that read: save me.i am in love with the rescuers.you see that heart, i will gut it like a fish.talk some sense into me.i dare you.daydream ships and sleepy summer bombers feign softness when she calls.i will make the hair on your neck stand on end.i will make you sing out in the night.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/11/high-heals-mr-e-and-ms-fortune.html" \o "permanent link" 7:19 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116269687077970540" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, October 22, 2006
'baby dont worry about a thing cause every little thing is gonna be alright'
we played in front of 40,000 people today in a place we've never even been before.this is a piece of our life, cut pure.unadulterated.you have made us what we are.sometimes i get chills when i see patricks back in front of all of these singing mouths.i cant put the words together to tell you what it means or how it feels.like you are in the worlds biggest gang.or slipping through the longest dream.i got my shoes stolen in sao paulo.they are the shittiest looking converse i ever had.kind of funny."friends dont let friends get famous".i know you dont really get me because i kind of write in a "or the user has trabelled outside of the service area" kind of way- but i dont really get me either.fell asleep in the mirror the other day,sick to death of comparing myself.every word has already been written.every government has been done.every hairstyle has been tried.but give me sometime, dont write me off yet.im not always the person i want to be-but you make me want to be him.silly boy all this is ever gonna get you is carpal tunnel and bad eyesight-but i wish i was the mirror reflecting you back so i could make your eyes look carefree.sometimes i think i about that night that we madeout until our lips went numb.the words are all over the place.but you are lightning in a bottle.i am in love with the accents in south america-the streets are museums,the culture is breathing- alive.rolling 'r's is way cooler than rolling your eyes.the way i think of you is billboard big, only i could never tell anyone.last night i had a dream that we were breathing underwater.our love will go down (in history).i hope the keys keep clicking, the kids keep singing-its all "if they could see us now"s versus "they'd be spinning in their grave"spenned in on all sides.lets split town.its always "i dont care what anyone thinks" except everyone always does.and "better in the long run" always means sleeping alone now.stop trying to save me.except if you ever did i dont know what id do with myself.silly boy youre just dying to be tragic silly boy youre just dying to be tragic silly boy youre just dying to be tragic silly boy youre just dying to be tragic silly boy youre just dyingtime for sleep.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/baby-dont-worry-about-thing-cause.html" \o "permanent link" 8:29 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116157487980590215" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
woke up at 5:49pm today.
the cobra starship video is amazing- its like a flamboyant version of kill bill meets the easter bunny only trashier- for real... get ready. after all the hacking, i have secret journals stashed through out the internet.i am always forgetting the passwords- i feel like a pirate always looking for the 'x marks the spot' kind of thing.i love my bed for all of its AMBIENce...the record is being mixed- i have the "so-so" inside my head. but i just want to be on the road.these journals all seem like an attempt to make the average seem bright and bold-but all i(t) really is/am, is nothing so special at all.i want our tattoos to touch under the wind off the windowsill on these late fall nights."i miss eyes much brighter than mine".
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/woke-up-at-549pm-today.html" \o "permanent link" 4:13 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116117066401980403" \o "Edit Post"
Sunday, October 15, 2006
i want to be kept.
i am in love with observing.off the strip is the best.there is an old man at the bar, he carries his years in his eyes.he drinks gin and tonic, only he calls them "g&t's".he is a true believer, a die hard.all the addicts and pushers are sitting in pews somewhere.he speaks to me about a love and a life that has taken 50 years to figure that he cant figure it out.buzzing and lights.there is a HIPSter docked on the bar next to me.he drinks vodka straight with out mixers,because the monsters in his closet are calories.i wonder how many he burns with he constant running mouth.here no one wants to be what they are.i watch waiters run their lines.i watch valets trip over producers names that keep dropping out of their mouths.nothing changes here but peoples hair color.it is saturday night here everyday except saturday.no one waits in line.no one pays covers.writing here hurts my head.but i am addicted.honest to god, its like taking a picture of a ghost.im always walking home head down, taking myself to pieces.smile at the grass pushing up through the cracks in the sidewalk.a teammate.sometimes i look at my reflection in car windows and say "worry on your own time".etc. etc.i cant wait to get home.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/i-want-to-be-kept.html" \o "permanent link" 5:26 PM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116095898951031837" \o "Edit Post"
fuck me gently with a chainsaw
been writing in the real journal lately. paper and ink.hey pete, howd you get yourself turned so inside out?this city feels like a lull.in weather, in love, in time, in life.'all you sensetive thugs need hugs'.i can love you in hour increments.i can give/take all your problems back/away.i want to be bright enough to blind you.think of all the love i have behind my eyelids waiting for you to wake up.thanks to all the forever kids who have stuck by our side.dream fast. wish hard.truefuckinglove.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/fuck-me-gently-with-chainsaw.html" \o "permanent link" 7:35 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116092342393257442" \o "Edit Post"
Thursday, October 05, 2006
joe says the puppy has hillbilly teeth.
if i was a judge id only hand out run-on sentences.california feels like the body of the world.and los angeles is its varicose veins.leaves wont turn orange here.or at least theyre putting up a fight.emerald city downtown girl.i called shotgun on everything you do.im sorry, its true.asleep in the hive- i guess all the buzzing got to me-that and the blueberries and vikings.the only gold i got is in my fillings.heroes love heroines.i dream of lying in backyards with you in the a.m.'s-the geneva convention of romance.i work vampire hours thinking of you.the rings around my eyes are simply the proof.fuck the miles between us.fuck the way i am in love with being a mess.and when the planets align even the mercury specks in our eyes match.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/joe-says-puppy-has-hillbilly-teeth.html" \o "permanent link" 1:39 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=116003761776210226" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, October 02, 2006
buzz's girlfriend, woof!
(gomez and morticia).my friend told me, there are veins in brooklyn sick of the constant knocking on them like a door.if i look up the lights in houses look like stars in the sky, only if i squint hard enough. if you had told me where wed be three years ago i would have laughed it off.i am sure i will do the same in three years when i am making wishes from some gutter somewhere.i want to be the last thing you think of at nighttime.i tapped out, i blacked out.you knew we couldnt last.its funny how we only focus on our flaws."please tell me the truth, i am addicted to it".i got new boots so id never get cold feet-on thin ice or at the altar.listening to this record i cant wait to get back on the road. it feels like home.and sometimes this feels like some strange family we have built- we are planning a run of small shows right now- and something better."when you are very old and very lonely you will understand".its designed deep inside of us to be the opposite of what we are, i thank god for the bands, movies, and hearts that make me want to become something better than i am.your heart beat gets me through the day.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/10/buzzs-girlfriend-woof.html" \o "permanent link" 1:01 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=115977717330038256" \o "Edit Post"
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
sometimes i feel like a pace car for you.
the lights on the hill look like christmas lights on a tree.through a window.i almost feel welcome.people treat hearts like cars.we are always trying to trade up.it feels good being a new car.but it always feels strange driving back onto the lot when you know you are being traded in.how you doing- is all a matter of who is asking.the opposite of lullabyes.thank you for bringing me back to life.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/09/sometimes-i-feel-like-pace-car-for-you.html" \o "permanent link" 3:33 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=115935649893888852" \o "Edit Post"
Monday, September 25, 2006
24 hour vet
i saw this movie "the science of sleep" tonight.it made my head swirl.love and dreams.i recommend watching it if you get a chance.the days are starting to end early here now.photos approved for (mis)use.songs are just artifacts from a time when i still cared.now there are country codes to decipher.returning can take you to pieces.but home is an idea, not a place.i always tried to cross the river in oregon trail and it was always a bit too deep for my wagon.i want a girl that doesnt have time to think things through.last night i counted numbers until my eyes were stitched shut with sleep.whats the point of walking the plank on a sinking ship?
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/09/24-hour-vet.html" \o "permanent link" 3:15 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=115917995322859629" \o "Edit Post"
Friday, September 22, 2006
basking on the beaches of crocodile tear swamps.
i couldnt stay away.the words are obession and always have been.heartache lite. diet love.i am a catch and release boy.kind of.put summer in a pine box.i went to sleep in june and woke up in the middle of september.making out on stretchers, getting some in the back of an ambulance.my hips are dry docked.love is incidental.the best versus the rest.'they wipe their feet on our dreams'.ive got 27 years hiding in the smile wrinkles of my eyes. the real ones and the fake ones take up the same space in skin.no one gives a fuck about eyes that are always leaking,besides youre just hushing headboards that are always creaking.its become apparent that there may be noone thinking of you the way i do at this very moment.were "out of the woods".but i am in love with the tree i used to lie under.eyes green with envy or brown and full of shit.or somewhere in between.i want this to be a remix of our nighttimes.
posted by xo @ HYPERLINK "http://stagecoachesbecomepumpkins.blogspot.com/2006/09/basking-on-beaches-of-crocodile-tear.html" \o "permanent link" 12:40 AM HYPERLINK "http://www2.blogger.com/post-edit.g?blogID=34840831&postID=115891444494860577" \o "Edit Post"